you can't grow up less you have been broken first

ah, this one intriguing comic (if you'd like a discussion, head over to http://imgur.com/user/Kubera/favorites/nO7vNhv and check out the comments section)

now i have ever been infatuated before (err... with a girl, yeah, wasn't aware of my being a bi back then). now i say infatuated, because i understand love- now. well, back then, little did i realize that even boys could even have that kind of heart racing sensation whenever i was close to her. she wasn't even- well, ok, she was exceptionally pretty, but i didn't have even the slightest desire to copulate with her. she had my admiration, and not my lust.

pretty weird feeling, huh? whilst girls kept on blaming guys that all we ever think about is sex, and yet (ok that's to some extent true- i do have that desire at times when i see a hot chick) i didn't have the lust.

back then i was not actually totally ignorant. or oblivious. or whatnot. i had my own standards. i also understood reality (that quote of mine "bukannya ga mau pacaran, melainkan sadar pendapatan"). but that feeling. kinda screwed up all my judgment. oh, and one more thing, i don't have that butterfly flying in your stomach feeling. do describe it to me, for those of you who have ever experienced it. i'm curious)

anyway, that was what i felt. of course my feeling made me break all the rules i had previously set. i started asking for her notes, then help with my homework, then her phone number. it had gotten to the point where we were exchanging messages, facebook pokes, smileys, and yeah, whatever, until..

<SHE> is in a relationship with <HIM>

well, ouch. so this is what it feels like, i thought. heartbroken? err... yeah, kinda. and maybe what they say about "boys don't cry" is actually true because i can testify for it. although at this point, i still haven't had that concept of "o sheet she's taken, gotta find another one now. shame. she's so good though" yet.

now although the frustration faded seconds after i saw her facebook status changed (yes, it really was THAT fast) the subsequent events kinda.. "shaped" me.

rereading old chats, seeing her name and photo in the "recent updates/stories", even going as far as stalking her boyfriend's account, well...

but that's not everything. months later, ...

<SHE> is now single

why was i happy? eh, no, wait, this is not happiness, actually. is this.. suspici